5 characteristics of a unhealthy relationship

Although everyone shows their love differently, there might be a few things to look out for in a relationship. Some behaviors are completely normal between a couple (or any kind of relationship for that matter(, while others may be hallmark signs of an unhealthy relationship. Recognizing the characteristics of unhealthy relationships early on can be crucial to prevent their escalation to abuse- whether this means knowing when to exit a relationship or having better awareness for improving it and your quality of life.

Today, we will dive into the most common signs that can indicate that your relationship might be unhealthy. Make sure to keep an eye out for these behaviors and never ignore the red flags.

Everyone deserves to live in a healthy relationship where they feel loved, safe and comfortable- especially you!

While these characteristics are geared toward romantic relationships, they can also be signs of a bad partnership with any people you interact with consistently: parents, siblings, friends, co-workers, bosses, etc.

1. Speeding up the pace of the relationship

Even if it doesn’t seem so at first, intense feelings can be warning signs in a relationship. When someone tries to speed up the pace of the relationship, for example, by saying “I love you” on the first date, asking you to marry them after a few weeks, can give a reason for doubt. Of course there are always exceptions, but generally speaking- it takes time to build trust and get to know an individual.

Also, if your partner seems obsessive about spending all their time with you and expects you to answer their messages almost immediately, it can be considered as a red flag.

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2. Extreme jealousy and control

Is your partner extremely jealous? Do they try to control who you hang out with and what you wear?

Although jealousy is a natural emotion, it can become unhealthy when it results in wanting to have control over the other person. If you see that your partner becomes upset or angry when you spend your time with other people, checks your messages, accuses you of cheating, or even stalks you, you are certainly in a toxic relationship.

Remember that this kind of possessiveness is not healthy even if your partner tries to validate their behavior by saying “I just want to protect you.” or “I do this only because I have strong feelings for you.”

Often, these types of problems often stem from trust issues they developed in their youth. It can feel easier to control others than to get a control on their own underlying emotional issues- but it is essential for a good relationship.

3. Isolation

Isolation is also a telltale sign of an unhealthy relationship and related to the above-mentioned extreme jealousy, control, and possessiveness. When it comes to isolation, it means that your partner constantly tries to keep you away from your family members, friends, colleagues, and other people. At first, they can kindly ask you to spend more time with them but eventually, it can even turn into demands that you are not allowed to see certain people.

It’s very common amongst people who experience isolation in their relationship that they feel that they are dependent on their partner for different reasons (for example, love, acceptance, or money). However, it’s important to remember that time alone (without your partner) and time spent with other people you care about is an essential for of being a social human being.

Related read: Simple Self-Care Strategies that Work

4. Manipulation

While some of the characteristics of unhealthy relationships are easy to detect, others are quite hard to spot. Manipulation can be expressed in various ways (for example, through passive-aggressive behavior), therefore, sometimes you may not even recognize that you are being manipulated.

If you very often end up doing things that you don’t feel comfortable doing, your partner tries to change the way you feel, or they give you the silent treatment until they get what they want (i.e. I won’t love you until you do X), chances are that you are being manipulated. The best way to realize this is to have awareness of how your partner is affecting your life choices.

5. Making you feel guilty

Have you ever felt guilty for spending the afternoon with your best friend instead of your partner? In a healthy relationship, you should not feel this way. Unfortunately, if you have a toxic partner, they can frequently make you feel bad for enjoying your time or doing what you like. This is because they want you to make THEM happy and not yourself. This can include emotional blackmail which means that they use their feelings in order to control your behavior. For example, they may say things like “I will be sad if you leave me here.” or “If you really loved me, you would watch this movie with me.”

Related read: Self Love is Not Selfish – And Here’s Why

6. Humiliation

Without any doubt, humiliation is unacceptable in a relationship. If your partner calls you names, criticizes you, or talks in a bad way about your close friends or family members, it’s not okay.

After a while, even if they make bad remarks about you as a joke, this behavior does a lot of harm to your self-esteem. Thus, it is something you should not tolerate from your partner- or anyone for that matter! The best way to show that you don’t accept this behavior is by setting healthy relationship boundaries.

7. Feeling drained

If you often feel mentally, emotionally, or even physically drained when being around your partner, it shows that something is not okay in your relationship. When you constantly give but don’t get anything in return (for example, love, time, attention), it’s normal that after a time you feel exhausted and unhappy- yet stuck.

Related read: How to Choose Happiness for a Better Life

8. Sabotage

When you love someone, it’s obvious that you want the best for them: to be happy, successful, and have a good reputation. However, these may be some of those things you can’t get if you are stuck in an unhealthy relationship. This is because toxic people often like to ruin the reputation of their partners. They may talk behind your back, start rumors, and purposely destroy everything that is important for you so that you have nowhere to turn but them.

9. Unpredictability

One of the main characteristics of unhealthy relationships is surely unpredictability. This includes moments when your partner gets angry very quickly and you never know what may trigger their extreme reaction. Thus, you feel like you have to walk on eggshells to avoid their violent behavior.

A relationship with a violent person is like an emotional rollercoaster because they can lose control at any moment.

10. Betrayal

The next sign is betrayal. If you notice that your partner acts differently with other people, lies to you, cheats on you, or is disrespectful, remember that trust and respect should always be at the core of a relationship.

11. Blaming someone or something else

If you are in an unhealthy relationship, your partner may always find some excuses for their bad behavior. They can put the blame on you, on others, or they can simply say that their unhealthy behavior is caused by negative past experiences (such as divorced parents), mental health problems, or alcohol consumption. Either way, they don’t take responsibility for their own actions.

12. Physical abuse

Besides emotional abuse, physical abuse can also be present in an unhealthy relationship. For example, if your partner hits you, pushes you, or breaks things at home (electronic devices, furniture, etc.)- this is domestic violence that should not be tolerated and requires immediate attention.

+1 Intuition

In addition to the above-mentioned signs, you may also feel it in your gut that your relationship is not healthy. You can’t say exactly what’s wrong but for some reason, you don’t feel comfortable in your relationship. This is the time when you should ask yourself: Is my partner the right person for me? Do I get from this relationship what I merit? Trusting your intuition is so important!

Related read: Positive Mindset Quotes for Health and Life

What to do if you recognize any of these signs

These were the most important characteristics of unhealthy relationships. If you recognize any of these signs, chances are that you are in a bad relationship. First, try to talk with your partner and see if you can work the things out and improve your relationship together. Try to have an open discussion about what’s bothering you. While these discussions can be tough and uncomfortable to have, they can be an opportunity to grow as a couple and learn if the right mindset is in place. However, it takes being open minded and unreactive with both parties- which is most definitely easier said than done.

On the other hand, if things get out of control, your partner gets physical or you feel threatened, you should immediately get support. Ask for help from your family and friends, or inform the authorities such as the police or an organization for victims of emotional and physical abuse. And most importantly: stay safe.

Don’t be embarrassed or blame yourself if you know it’s time to get out of a relationship. It’s best to “rip that Band-Aid,” ask for help, learn from your mistakes, and make sure you are taking care of your own mental and physical health above all else. Coming up with excuses for your partner, fearing the unknown without them, or worrying that you will end up alone are all valid concerns- but aren’t worth it for the wrong person if you can dig deep and trust your own process.

Have you ever been in an unhealthy relationship before? When did you realize that something is wrong? Share your experiences with me in the comments.

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