Tips to effective listening

One of the things I have to do as a business consultant is to be a great listener. This is a key leadership

and communication skill for anyone. Sometimes effective listening can be a challenge because, like most people, I can fall into the trap of thinking about my response and how I would like to help the individual with whom I am communicating. One of my pet peeves has always been that many people begin developing their response as soon as the other person starts speaking rather than truly listening to the message spoken to them. As I was going through some information this weekend, I came across a great one-page paper on four steps to effective listening, a key tenet of developing accountable leaders and teams. Permission was given to use the information as freely as possible and so I am sharing the main points with you.  The strategies of effective listening skills are essential for every great leader and improve your listening comprehension. 

4 Strategies for Effective Listening

1. First of all, listening is an activity; it is not something we do passively. The skill of active listening needs to be applied, be there and stay focused on the person talking, without any distractions.  You need to practice active listening daily to get better at it.  It requires us to ask questions and give feedback. So here are four basic goals of good listening to consider when entering a conversation: 
   - To understand someone
   - To enjoy someone
   - To learn something
   - To give help or solace

   Paraphrasing is a basic tool we often use to listen well. We might use phrases like these:

   
   - In other words, did you mean…?
   - So how you felt about it was…?
   - Did you mean…?
   - I think what I am hearing you say is…?
   - Correct me if I am wrong…?

   Paraphrasing defines common ground, lets the other person know you understand what it is they are communicating, and it helps them feel understood and appreciated.  Listening is a leadership skill that is often overlooked.

   
   
2. Listen with empathy. This requires us to recognize, accept and understand that we are doing the best we can and so are others. Try to put yourself in the other individual’s shoes and give him or her the benefit of the doubt. Try to understand where someone else is coming from and treat him or her with kindness as you take in the message. Ask what difficulties the other person is experiencing, and this will help you hear his or her message.  Pay attention to their body language, keep an open mind and be careful not to jump to conclusions.
   
3. Be open as you listen. Be careful not to judge and put on your critical parent hat. Do not make your mind up too quickly as you take in the information. Give yourself some time to think and reflect. Try not to come to conclusions too quickly and develop a definitive position based on what you are hearing. Allow yourself to consider different perspectives.  Whenever possible have the meeting face to face, or with video conferencing if in person isn't possible, so that you can better understand their thoughts and feelings being expressed nonverbally.
   
4. Listen with awareness. There are two parts to this; compare what is said to your own knowledge, history, people, and the way the world operates; and secondly listen and observe for congruence. Watch for visual cues and try to determine if they match the information you were hearing.  Effective communication is a two-way street so make sure that you let them know that they were heard and understood before moving to a new topic.

Here are a Few More Effective Listening Skills:

1. Maintain good eye contact - while not staring.
2. Lean in slightly while not encroaching on someone’s personal space.
3. Reinforce by paraphrasing and giving feedback at the right time.
4. Ask clarifying questions.
5. Try to eliminate distractions and be in the moment.
6. Be committed to understanding the other person.
7. Don't forget about the 5 C's of Leadership Accountability to ensure people do what they say they're going to do.
8. Pay attention to the facial expressions and other nonverbal communication
9. Make sure that you are fulling paying attention, not just hearing the words, but understanding them and their context.
10. Let them know you are actively listening with saying words like uh uh, okay, tell me more, let's dive into that, etc.
11. Put your focus on the speaker, make sure that you give them with your full attention.  Don't get distracted by your phone or any other attention stealing objects!
12. Use your effective listening skills to build a human relationship with your colleagues and get a deeper understanding of the situation.
13. Make sure that you ask for additional information if you need it, or find an especially interested topic in your conversation to help show your engagement.
14. Don't try to think about what you are going to say while the other person is talking, stay fully engaged in what they are saying.  You'll have plenty of time to offer input later.

Please consider these tips as you enter your next conversation and ask yourself if you are using any of them. It might help you better understand and be better understood.

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Want more information on Team Accountability? Check out these additional resources:

The Power of Systems and People: Accountable Leaders and Teams

Listen Up - A Critical Leadership Skill

Take Our Team Accountability Assessment 

Team Accountability Begins with Personal Accountability

How top CEOs Close the Strategy Execution Gap

Building Team Accountability: Job Scorecards

10 Signs of an Accountable Culture [Infographic]

Growing Team Accountability in Your Organization

Quick Tips for Building Accountability

5 Steps to Having an Accountability Discussion [Video]

Learn more about accountable leaders and teams.

Photo Credit: iStock by Getty Images 

Do you want to be an effective listener? Do you want to get more from a conversation? As a finance professional, former federal agent, and professor of finance, these five [5] tips are concepts I use to be a better listener, effective listener, active listener, and get more from conversations. Are you doing these things?

Tip #1: Make Eye Contact

Face the speaker. Make eye contact. Be attentive. Be there; be present. Be relaxed. Feel what the speaker is telling you. Be empathetic. Here is a very good article from Arlin Cuncic, How to Overcome Eye Contact Anxiety.

Tip #2: Focused Listening

Listen, look, and picture what the speaker is saying. We can easily be distracted by noises, random objects, background chatter, or your even own thoughts. You may find yourself thinking of what you should be getting done at that moment. However, when you’re not focused on the conversation, it is evident to the other person. Here is a great article on focused listening.

Tip #3: Don't Talk!

Keep your mouth closed. Do not offer solutions. Wait for the speaker to ask for your thoughts. Let the speaker finish their point. A big mistake would be to jump in with an interruption, ask a question, or make a comment before the speaker is done speaking. This can be very frustrating and can cause the speaker to lose sight of what they were trying to say. Interruptions can create a wall between the speaker and listener, making it hard to communicate successfully. Forbes has a great article on effective listening that talks about not interrupting.

Tip #4: Have an Open Mind

There are three [3] J's to having an open mind.

1. Do not judge: Listen without being critical of the other person. Judging the matter before you hear it all out can cause you to respond inappropriately.
2. Do not justify: Avoid the need to justify your own thoughts or beliefs on a matter before listening to a person entirely. If you don’t allow a person to finish what they’re trying to say, you’ll never really get to know how they feel or think about the situation.
3. Do not jump in: Be patient. Do not try to figure out what you think the speaker is trying to say by finishing their sentences or blurting out your thoughts. The best way to learn exactly what they’re saying is by remaining quiet and listening closely.

Tip #5: Pay Attention

Be attentive to non-verbal indicators, verbal indicators, emotional intelligence, and pay attention to what is not said. The majority of communication is non-verbal. Face to face with a person, you can detect enthusiasm, boredom, or irritation very quickly in the expression around the eyes, the set of the mouth, the slope of the shoulders. Do not ignore these clues. Here is one of my favorite articles on Emotional Intelligence from Psychology Today.

Thank you for reading! If you are interested in these tips or several other tips, please reach out!

The Author: Jason is the Chief of Licensing, Small Business Investment Companies [SBIC] Program, Office of Investment and Innovation, U.S. Small Business Administration. Prior to the #SBIC Program, Jason spent ten years as a federal agent investigating complex financial crimes. Also, Jason is an adjunct professor of finance at the Jack Welch Management Institute [JWMI] and the Columbia College of Missouri. Jason is an MBA, CFA, and CFE. Jason is also entering the final leg of his Ph.D. in Business with dissertation research in corporate reputational risk.