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January 13, 2022Leaders are increasingly worried about the impact of the past 20-plus months on company culture, connectivity, and cohesion. Our recent Great Attrition survey justifies their concern. More than half of employees who left their job in the past six months did not feel valued by their organization (54 percent) or manager (52 percent), or they lacked a sense of belonging (51 percent). Additionally, 46 percent cited the desire to work with people who trust and care for each other as another reason to quit. Employees want stronger relationships, a sense of connection, and to be seen.

While leaders recognize these issues, their responses are missing the mark. Many leaders (52 percent) want an in-office workweek of four to five days to strengthen connectivity and collaboration. However, a return to the office will not necessarily solve the problem. In fact, without other significant actions, it could even backfire. The world has changed, and employee attitudes have shifted. To build community, cohesion, and a sense of belonging, organizations need to evolve their approach.

Motivate more than mandate

With ample evidence that remote work is both convenient and productive, many employees are asking why they should go to the office at all. The office is becoming the new “off-site.” It needs to be planned and purposeful, with clear articulation of the benefit. Leaders should carefully consider who needs to attend and why, the objectives, the activities, and how to craft a structured agenda that still leaves room for emergent topics, spontaneous conversation, socializing, and collaboration. Consider a recurring schedule, like “Team Wednesdays” for social lunch and group problem solving, while remaining flexible to changing employee needs. Give employees a reason to want to come in!

One tech company wanted to combine the best of working from home with the best of working in person. It curated soft spaces with a coffee shop for casual ambience, conference rooms, and classrooms for organized group learning. The company addressed what employees missed most about in-person interactions while letting them accomplish individual work from home.

Pick up the phone

Sometimes the best solutions are the simplest ones. Call team members to say hello, check in, and catch up. Break through the agenda-driven interactions that create online fatigue and connect person to person. The calls don’t need to be long; their power comes from authenticity.

One senior leader of a public sector organization calls several employees each day, unscheduled: “They get nervous if I ask for time, and that’s not the point. I want to know how they’re doing. I want to check in, the way I would in an elevator or at the coffee machine.”

Create space with inclusive norms

As employees seek greater connection with leaders and aspire to be part of a cohesive team, create more opportunities to engage in team settings—especially for junior members.

For example, a round-robin approach can give each team member equal time to contribute to the discussion at hand. The active use of chat in video conferences can help draw out reactions, analysis, and solutions from all team members, including the quieter ones.

Remember, it takes time to create these norms, and figuring out what works may require some experimenting. Don’t rest on early success or be discouraged by failure. Track what is working (and what is not) to continuously evolve for the better.

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The Great Attrition is an opportunity for leaders and companies to rethink how they are connecting with employees, especially in hybrid or virtual settings. However, this requires commitment and passion to create a new, better workplace environment. Be deliberate about cultivating deeper team relationships and creating an inclusive, purposeful experience for people, regardless of where they are working.

The stakes are high. If employees don’t find the culture, connectivity, and cohesion they seek, they are prepared to look elsewhere.

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This blog post is part of a series on the Great Attrition, exploring the immediate actions leaders can take to retain and attract talent at a time when employees are leaving their jobs in droves. Topics include how to keep top-performing talent, the nuances emerging in different industries, adaptability as an antidote to burnout, the implications for the labor shortage and what to do about it, how to build a sense of community in the new employee landscape, the complex relationship between DE&I and attrition, the importance of employee experience, socioemotional support as the organization’s social glue, the need to reimagine and personalize flexibility at work, and competition from the gig economy and entrepreneurism.

The way you operate at work plays a crucial role in your career success.

Much of that depends on how you interact (e.g., cooperate, collaborate and manage conflicts) with your colleagues, clients, bosses and people in your professional network. Social psychologists call this your reciprocation style.

In his bestselling book, "Give and Take: A Revolutionary Approach to Success," organizational psychologist and Wharton professor Adam Grant lays out three key reciprocation styles found in the workplace:

1. Takers see the world as a hypercompetitive rat race. Since they assume that no one else will look out for them, they place their own interests first and last. They may choose to help others strategically, but only when the benefit seems to exceed the cost.
2. Matchers operate tit for tat. When people do them a favor, they repay in a capacity that is no more, no less. And when they help someone, they expect the same in return.
3. Givers focus on others more than on themselves. They pay close attention to what people need from them, whether it's time or ideas or mentorship. A rarity in the workplace, according to Grant, their style is more typical of the way we treat family and friends.

Givers pay it forward

In any given field, you'll find givers near the top of their career ladder. As they pay it forward, according to a number of studies, givers make for more efficient engineers or higher-grossing salespeople than takers or matchers.

Grant proposes that these high performers are strategic in the choices they make and the limits they set. This, of course, is what also makes them more appealing and desirable to employers.

Most of all, they've learned how to get help when they need it, and they're skilled at receiving as well as giving. "Successful givers are every bit as ambitious as takers and matchers," Grant writes in his book. "They simply have a different way of pursuing their goals."

He goes even further to say that being a giver may actually be a sign of intelligence.

Successful givers are every bit as ambitious as takers and matchers. They simply have a different way of pursuing their goals.

Adam Grant

Organizational psychologist, author of "Give and Take"

Grant cites a study published in The Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, in which researchers tested people's intelligence with a series of quantitative, verbal and analytical reasoning problems. They then sent them off to negotiate.

"Intelligence paid off — but not in the way you might expect," Grant says. "The smarter people were, the better their counterparts did in the negotiation. They used their brainpower to expand the pie, finding ways to help the other side that cost them nothing."

Not all givers are great

Yet another study found a significant set of givers clumped at the opposite end. They were the least productive workers — the failures, at least in the eyes of their peers.

What were they doing wrong? According to Grant, these hapless pure givers found it awkward to solicit favors or assistance. They gave and gave until the well ran dry.

Here's an example: My former research partner, negotiation expert Frank Mobus, and I knew a young travel agent who was bright and hard working, but consistently fell short on his sales numbers.

After a 10-minute talk, we figured out his problem. He was compulsively generous with prospective clients, gifting them shrewd free advice (which they took to book online, to save themselves a commission). As a result, both the agent and his agency suffered.

All of this tells us that to be a successful giver, you must be a good negotiator. The most one-dimensional price haggle requires the gift of your time and energy to make it through the process. Conversely, indiscriminate handouts can be detrimental, even between strategic partners.

In short, it's important to distinguish between passive giving and negotiated giving:

• Passive givers are giving in to avoid conflict, en route to stunted deals and lowered expectations.
• Negotiated givers are more intentional in their generosity and stay focused on long-term goals.

Master the art of negotiation

In today's workplace, with cross-functional teams and nondirect reporting structures, people interface and work closely with lots of colleagues. That's why it's helpful to be aware that many contacts, even random encounters, can draw you into a negotiation (e.g., a request for you to provide a resource or work product, which usually includes a deadline).

Negotiated givers are more intentional in their generosity, and stay focused on long-term goals.

Bill Sanders

Workplace negotiations researcher

Too often, in the interest of being a good team player — and possibly, a passive giver — we quickly agree to say yes. We don't even give it much thought. It's only later that we realize the burden on our time and schedule.

The smart thing to do is to slow down the process and treat it like a negotiation. Ask some clarifying questions, consider some alternatives, explain the effort or problems this might create for you. Even ask for something in return — a quid pro quo — or get a verbal "IOU a favor" from your colleague. 

Being mindful of good negotiation or agreement-making techniques can help you become a successful negotiated giver, rather than an unproductive passive giver.

Bill Sanders is a work and negotiation expert, and the CEO of Mobus Creative Negotiating, a corporate training and consulting company with large clients including AT&T, Skansa and BorgWarner. He also co-authored the book "Creative Conflict" with Frank Mobus, founder of Mobus Creative Negotiating. Over the last 30 years, Bill has helped 10 head coaches become Super Bowl champions. Follow him on LinkedIn.

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